Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Thinking On Paper
Monday, June 01, 2009
Silly Break
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Books
Slept 17+ hours yesterday. Missed my entire day off and wanted to get stuff done around the house butbut must have needed it. Been going out far too much lately. Need to cut back and spend more time at home. When it comes right down to it I don’t like to be that social and would much rather spend time snuggled up with someone special. Relaxing, reading and reflecting are more my thing.
I will read anything. I am always in the middle of several books at any given time. Currently, two that I am reading are “Fingerprints of God” and “God is NOT Great.” Those of you who think you know me are probably surprised by at least one of those. Those who really do would expect nothing less.
I am a huge fan of Robert Anton Wilson and one of the exercises he would encourage people to do was to find some belief system you are adamantly opposed to and immerse yourself in it. Read about it. Listen to its adherents and prophets. Really get a feel for it and understand it. Know what it is to be one of them. Once you do, go ahead and move onto another belief system. Do the same thing. When it comes right down to it, there really isn’t any difference between them and the people who practice and believe in each. Instead, most people go through their lives only listening to and reading things that support the beliefs they already hold. Ones that confirm what they already think. Completely ignoring everything else. How can they learn and grow that way? Only staying stuck. “See, I told you. All Blacks/women/Jews are…” While conveniently convincing themselves that all the evidence supports them and that anything else is a myth, superstition, bold faced lie, etc. Rather than considering that they may be wrong and there is something new to learn, they hold fast to their ignorance. It is an exercise that I have enjoyed time and time again. The few who really know me have been shocked at some of the things I have tried because they go against some of my primary principles. Nevertheless, I gave them a shot.
As much as I adore books, there is one type that I do have a difficult time with. That challenge me each time I open the pages. I continue to do so for the lessons that are in it – the self-observation, not the actual book – and that is the majority of self-help books. Don’t get me wrong, I think some are great and I am a big fan of the Stephen Covey books in particular but so many of them seem to espouse the idea of “you are not okay but if you do what I tell you everything will be fine.” Religion without the spirituality. A new guru for you to follow blindly without self-reflection. A tome to take people who were already suffering low self-esteem and convince them that they deserved that poor image but if they follow in this person’s footsteps they can be saved. Salvation in 30 days/$50/250 pages/12 easy steps. What a relief!
Never mind that the person does not actually reflect or improve him/herself. Doesn’t matter that all they have done is learned a new mask to put over the same rotten core. Don’t really want to help this person identify and strengthen their values. After all, then they won’t buy your next $30 book when it comes out. Teach them the new and improved way to manipulate the system and others into phony superficial relationships. Learn these tricks and techniques to impress your future boss, win friends, and wow the hotties at the bar. Okay for the moment but then what? You have to try keep up the facade but eventually they see the real you and now they are ticked off or disappointed that you were fake up front. That you deceived them. Either way, your self-esteem suffers even more. The authors and publishers are fine with that. More money for them. Like diet books, the reader would rather buy the next false promise, hope in a book/CD/forum, than to do the work necessary to succeed and improve. Fooling themselves into believing there is some quick fix that will do the work for them rather than confronting the truth. Popping a pill or memorizing a line is much easier than accepting and improving oneself. Besides, this way you can blame the author when you fail again. It isn’t because you are selfish. Has nothing to do with your flaws. You just haven’t learned the right way to work the system. The short-cut or secret will be revealed in the next book. The miraculous way to fool people into liking you.
As my special someone and I have discussed several times, true esteem comes from within. It has nothing to do with the cuteness of the girl you are dating, how many parties you get invited to or the number of contacts in your cell phone. The best one can hope for externally is to find someone who knows your flaws and accepts and cares for you anyway. Someone you can be real and honest with. A person who has seen you for the selfish bastard/bitch you are at your core and somehow manages to like you anyway. That person can be helpful on the days when your insecurities rise up but it cannot sustain you for long. Few people have that kind of trust in another.
One of the things I have observed time and time again that always fascinates me is the value most people place on their ‘loved ones’ compared to complete strangers. People will change for a complete stranger who doesn’t like them but cling stubbornly to bad habits if and when someone they care about expresses disapproval. Have someone that you know cares about you point out a flaw, no matter how gently. “Oh yeah! Well you knew about that when we met.” “Too bad! Love me or leave me.” “This is who I am. If you loved me you would accept that.” “Fuck off! You’re not perfect either. You…” and lash out at them. Starting a battle. And we stubborn hang on to it, no matter how right the other person is. “I’ll be damned if he/she is going to change me!!!”
But let a complete stranger point a flaw out or dismiss us for some reason, even if it is unknown or unrealistic. Next thing you know the person is bending over backward to impress this fucker who couldn’t care less about them. As if somehow the new you is going to change their mind instead of making you seem desperate or phony. “Look at me!! I have money/status/this good-looking person paying attention to me…” “See. I’m cool!” Who cares?!? If they are impressed, they are just a superficial ass and not worth the effort. If not, you only look pathetic and lose any interest they may have had in you. Either way you have gained nothing.
Why is that? Why does the stranger’s opinion matter more to most people? A quest for popularity? We already have the attention of X but want to add Y to the queue? I don’t get it. I would much rather use my time and effort on myself and the people who mean something to me. Admittedly though, my ego is huge. Much, much larger than it ought to be considering my many flaws. My esteem comes from within and being better today than I was yesterday rather than from the admiration of others. I don’t give my power away to strangers. Sure, the people I care about can, and often do, hurt me but I’ll be damned if I let someone who doesn’t even know me do so.
There are plenty people who don’t like me because of various superficial reasons. I am okay with that and have even gone out of my way to cultivate it with funny colored hair/unusual makeup/piercings/silly behaviors/bold obnoxious statements. “I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for something I am not,” is a common MySpazz cliché but it is true for me. I spend far more time thinking about the people who like me for the wrong reasons than all the people who dislike me. I would rather have one or two people around who like me for me than a bunch of people interested in the image. If you are the sort of person who is going to dislike me because of the clothes that I wear, the person I date or the music I listen to, I would rather find out now rather than thinking you are my friend and then learning you are not when I really need you. Fuck that! I have no use for phonies, fakes, users and superficial crap. Which is not to say that I have not enjoyed showing off a partner, wearing a smashing new pair of boots or sporting a new hair style, of course I do! But I don’t let those things define me or my status. I am just as likely to go out alone or with someone goofy looking, wear ratty old canvas sneakers, no makeup and my hair in a ponytail. Either way, I am awesome! And whether you know it or not, you are too.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
It is over
crushedTuesday, May 05, 2009
End of the end of the school year surveys
Okay, so coursework is done. I have a week without classes. Couldn’t sleep well last night. Kept thinking about someone but did not want to call and disturb him although I was tempted to. Once I start obsessing about stuff it is hard for me to meditate and just relax the mind. Grrr… City is working on the street so the trucks woke me up early. Bastards! Mind numbing survey to pass a short bit of time.
Not nearly as long as my usual but then I don’t need to procrastinate today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is anything annoying you right now?
nope, not at the moment
Who do you always answer the phone for?
My number one is the only person.
What are your favorite shoes?
that depends entirely on my mood and what I am doing. That is why I have so many.
Where was the last place you bought something?
Holiday gas station. Got gas, yogurt and a salad.
Are you usually a happy person?
I have plenty times that I am happy but do not think that it is necessary to always be happy. There is much to be learned from the other emotions as well. I find that the only people who are happy all the time are rather daft and miss out on much around them. It makes no sense to me to ignore the other options, the other experiences, even if they can be painful and unpleasant at the moment. To me it makes more sense to learn to accept anger, sadness, etc than to just suppress them in favor of happiness. Rant done. On with the inane questions.
Are you trying to avoid liking/loving somebody at the moment?
no, I gave up on that. I love him.
Does that person like/love you?
Yeah, I think so
Do you always answer your texts?
Pretty much
Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
a beer at the bar and then food and coffee at HT
Last time you received flowers?
November
Does sex mean love?
no
What movie(s) never fail to make you cry?
I have to fight it at a lot of the sappy romantic ones. It is not the movie so much as the fact that it reminds me that stuff like that never works out for me.
Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
No clue but it does not seem likely.
What are you wearing tomorrow?
Nothing special enough that I have to plan in advance. Some variation on jeans and a tee shirt. Probably black.
Do you get bored easily?
No. I find that people who get bored easily tend to be boring people. I can entertain myself for hours, days even. Probably longer.
What is the best thing to happen at school/work lately?
That would have to be the surprise visit from my drunken #1. Hell, the kiss alone was worth seeing someone for but I have been missing him and it was nice to talk for a bit and grab dinner.
Did you make anything to eat today?
just mixed up a protein drink, not actual cooking
Do you do chores around your house?
if they get done it is because I do them. Since I live alone and don’t have regular company, I slack off on some of them as well.
What is on your wrists right now?
nothing
Do you wear eyeliner?
often but not always
When will you hang out or see the person you like next?
Don’t know for sure. As of right now, we don’t have plans until Terminator Salvation.
When was the last time someone yelled at you?
yesterday. Again I flipped off some guy who was driving like an idiot and he decided to follow me to my job and flip out. I am an equal opportunity person when it comes to giving people the bird but only men seem to feel a need to chase me down as a result. They do seem especially nuts this spring.
Where is the worst place to be stuck waiting?
in a crowded room of any kind
Is it hard for you to get over someone?
Not normally but I have been having a hell of a time lately. Still am broken and it has been over two months. Miss him constantly. He is something special.
How many mirrors are in the room with you?
three
What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Heat peanuts
When was the last time you cried really hard?
Saturday
Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
sleep in
Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Not marriage in and of itself. What scares me is settling into a mind-numbing rut with someone. Being in a relationship when we take each other for granted, stop appreciating the little things, stop exploring and learning new things, stop listening to or paying attention to each other. Where everything becomes routine and mindlessly dull. However, I do not think that a long-term committed relationship with a partner has to be like that and I am afraid to ever do anything like that again. Becoming a zombie of that sort is what scares the crap out of me. I am however looking for a partner in adventure. Someone to travel and explore both the world and the inner mind with.
What is your current mood?
kinda sad and lonely, kinda peaceful and relaxed, kinda anxious about the future
And apparently very wordy! I’m noticing a trend with the paragraphs. Guess now that classes are done and I am not so busy with distractions I am in the mood to chat. Missing pretzel talks.
What is the cutest animal on Earth?
I am really a sucker for all baby animals and kittens rate right up there. However, solely in the interest of including a cute and unusual picture here, I will say the pangolin.
Are you spiritual, religious or oblivious?
very spiritual and sometimes very oblivious
How open minded are you?
extremely
Do you believe in morality?
yes although my life would be so much easier if I could get over that
Do you associate sexuality with negativity?
nope although I have seen and experienced plenty of people use it that way
How about views on drugs?
I think they should be legalized. Every last one of them. I think individuals should get to decide what they do with their bodies, not rich bastards who sit around making rules for the rest of us to follow while they do whatever they damn well please.
Who is the oldest text in your inbox from?
JJ
When was the last time you had your hair cut?
Saturday I finally got all the split ends trimmed off and my bangs back to normal
Would you rather have friends with benefits or a relationship?
relationship
Last person you were in a car with?
Jennifer
Should you really be doing homework right now?
amazingly enough, no
Do you know anyone that drinks?
I don’t know that I currently know anyone who doesn’t drink. I probably drink the least out of everyone and I drink plenty.
When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Earlier today when BSing with a friend about racism crap. Laughed so hard I cried.
Monday, April 27, 2009
End of the school year survey (part 2)
Down to seven days and I still have not written a single paper.
What is finals week without a little pressure???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's your favorite color gummy bear?
the red ones by far! The other colors are just there to get in the way of inhaling the reds. I need to find someone else to pawn them off on.
What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
That depends entirely on the person in question. I am currently smitten with a tush. Have to like the person’s eyes though no matter what.
What do you smell like?
gardenias
Are you in love with someone right now?
yes
What's the last thing you watched on TV?
CSI
What's the last video game you played?
Wii bowling
What can you hear right now?
YouTube, my current procrastination method of choice…
What does your hair look like?
terribly messy, didn’t feel like fixing it today so it is just in a pony tail on top of my head
Does the person that you like know that you like them?
yep
What is most important about a person?
honesty/trust
What do you like to do in your spare time?
read, play on the computer, watch movies, play word games, BS with other people, learn something new, walk in the woods
Would you consider yourself smart?
I like to think so but have plenty of times when I am an idiot as well.
Do you think that you are strong?
yes in many ways
If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed come to see you?
I think so.
Have you ever been called Prince/Princess?
nope, never
What about angel?
Ha! Certainly not.
When was the last time you slept at someone else's house?
it’s been more than a year
Are you a bad influence?
I sure try to be. Most people are far too uptight about the things that do not matter and far too cavalier about the things that are important.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
I was but I finally decided that if I was willing to risk my life for him then I would risk my happiness as well.
Where were you last night?
at Hard Times doing everything but homework
Why did you get your last ticket?
I have only ever had one ticket back in 1986 for speeding. 36 in a 30. Amazing considering I have flown past many a cop in my time and on my last trip to NYC averaged 93 MPH.
Ever considered nipple rings?
Yes although I am afraid that I will never think of them the same after listening to the new Ron White CD.
Who was the last person to call you beautiful?
I don’t know. It has been a while.
Do you miss any of your old friends?
yes a couple of them
Is there anyone you can spend every minute with and be happy?
I don’t want to spend every minute with anyone. Not because of the other person but because I often need to be alone to think and reflect.
What is your favorite candy?
dark chocolate ChocoLove bar with cherries although I am also hooked on the dark chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva *drool*
What is the best ice cream flavor?
chubby hubby. Still could go for a peanut buster parfait too… why are these things always full of food questions???
What are you wearing right now?
silver Docs, rolled up jeans, silver skull belt, black sweater
What was the last thing you ate?
almonds
Have you bought any new items this week?
books. My weakness is books.
What were you doing at 7:45 AM this morning?
I was sound asleep
What is one random thing you've always wanted to do?
I want to have a funeral for someone special and bury him alive. Random enough?
Would you rather see a shooting star or a rainbow?
shooting star would give me a wish but since mine don’t come true anyway I may as well enjoy the rainbow.
What are you listening to right now?
Do people get shocked by how old you are?
Sometimes. I'm always told I look much younger than I am but they may just be being nice to the old lady too...
What would you say if your ex told you he never liked you?
Fucker did. I just want to know why he wasted both of our time.
Do any of your friends have kids?
Yes, almost all of them do.
Do you play games on your cell phone?
Soduku almost daily
Favorite snack food?
Nachos, loaded. Although I hate soggy chips so usually I just make a layered dip and then enjoy.
Role model?
was my dad
Fav drink?
Patron XO Café. Heavenly! (thanks Number 1!!!)
Are you reading anything?
always
Craving anything right now?
well now I am thinking about a PBP and chocolate covered strawberries…
how's your current boy situation?
don’t have one
If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint?
a landscape is really all I ever seem to come up with when using watercolors. That or something abstract just to play with the colors.
What is your favorite fruit?
cherries with pineapple coming in a close second
What is your favorite kind of cookie?
warm from the oven Toll House chocolate chip cookies. With milk.
What was your favorite meal growing up?
tacos!
What one person or thing reminds you of the 80s?
big hair
What do you waste your time doing?
apparently surveys and finding old videos on YouTube
What issue are you sick of hearing about?
Swine Flu and how it is going to wipe everyone out
What is your favorite dish at a Chinese restaurant?
I have lots of favorites but really have been craving cream cheese wonton, shrimp fried rice and egg foo yung.
How many children do you want?
not planning to have any of my own although I may adopt someday
Is your heart broken right now?
yes
Are you someone who worries too often?
yes
Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
yes I have had more male friends than female
Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
Either someone special or alone. Friends are good but I don’t want them around all the time.
Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
yep, I sure have
Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
no clue
Have you ever talked on the phone in the shower/bathub?
yeah
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
yes many times
Do you like to cuddle?
love it!
How did you get all your scars?
all my scars? I am covered in them and several I don’t even recall. The important ones tend to be those on the inside anyway.
How much cash do you have at the moment?
$7 and some change
Would you ever get a tattoo with someone's name on it?
hard to say but I might.
Did you ever have tea parties when you were younger?
no but I have enjoyed several adult themed ones
Have you ever shaved someone before?
yes. The good bits even.
Do you have any analog clocks in your house?
yes, a few
Where do you go when you want to get a REALLY good sub sandwich?
if I want a really good one I make it myself
What is the lowest grade you ever received on a report card?
F
What magazine do you read or look through most often?
Wired
What style of house would you like to live in?
log cabin
If your nails are painted, what color are they?
my fingernails are sparkly purple, my toes are a dark plum with white, silver and black patterns on the big toes
Would you ever date someone with a different skin color than you?
I have
Have you seen any of the Saw movies?
yes, didn’t start until Saw III and now they are among my favorites
Where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other?
car, it is the only place I sing
Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?
boxer briefs
Can you do the alphabet in sign language?
yes
What was your favorite childhood show(s)?
Kung Fu, Wonder Woman, The Incredible Hulk
Have you ever trusted someone too much?
Is there such a thing? I am slow to trust but tend to think that there either is trust or there is not.
Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
I had no clue that it is supposed to have a thing to do with someone’s sexuality. It is my understanding that many men do so for the pleasure and satisfaction of the women they go out with.
Do you talk dirty to people?
not just randomly but I have. In fact, that gives me another song I need to go look up on YouTube...
Write some lyrics from the song you’re listening to.
“Cause baby we’ll be
at the drive-in,
in the old man’s ford,
behind the bushes
til I’m screamin’ for more
down the basement,
and lock the cellar door
and baby, talk dirty to me”
Do you think too much or too little?:
way too much. I can overanalyze the shit out of some innocuous comment for days. Obsessive? Far too often.
Would you date a friends ex?
nah that is just asking for trouble
When did you last eat pizza?
it’s been a couple weeks. What is it with all the food questions here? I am soooo ready for supper!
Have you had sex with more than 25 partners?
no
What do you do when you wake up from a nightmare?
I am a big girl and have to suck it up and accept it. What is there to do?
What body part aches you the most right now?
my back and neck are a little stiff but not really achy. I’m good.
Would you kill a spider?
no
Do you like to take walks?
usually but I have to know about it ahead of time. Taking a walk in strappy little sandals or high heels will likely just ends up with me complaining. I may even utter something about a “forced death march.”
Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?
yes, and based on how my homework is coming along, I suspect I will have another one of those occurrences before the week is up.
What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
12-grain bread and grape jelly
I have mellowed
I am planning a trip to Japan at the end of the year. Want to do 3-4 weeks over winter break. When I travel I hate to be a stupid American who knows nothing of the language or the culture so in preparation I took sumi-e classes in the fall and am now studying ikebana and batto-do. I will, of course, still stink at these arts when I go but at least this way I will have some rudimentary knowledge of them.
I was talking with a friend today who joked that I will now be able to chop off your head and then arrange flowers for your funeral. I claimed to have mellowed over the years and that instead I will now arrange the flowers as a gift and not chop your head off until you make fun of my novice skills.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
End of the school year survey (part 1)
Only ten days left in the semester and I still have 13 papers to write (I need deadlines or I put it all off until the very end!) plus two exams to study for.
Of course, what that *really* means is that I will be spending an obscene amount of time messing around with hideously long surveys like this one. Skip or enjoy. Either way it served its purpose in allowing me to procrastinate even further.
~~~~~~~
Do you sleep with the TV on?
Not normally. I refuse to have on in my bedroom although I do on occasion find myself having dozed off in front of the tube. Been sleeping much better lately and my living room chairs are just too comfortable. Do usually sleep with it on in hotels though since I don’t sleep well and it gives me a bit of light so I don’t break my neck stumbling around in the dark.
Have you ever won a spelling bee?
haha…never! I am terrible at spelling and must write a word out to get it right.
Have you ever stuffed your bra?
Nope, never needed to. The girls came in way before I ever wanted them. Just got in the way when I was playing sports. Hell, they still do sometimes although now I consider them worth the hassle. :)
When is the last time you took a bubble bath?
a couple weeks ago although I almost did last night
Who are you thinking of right now?
my number one.
Do you talk in your sleep?
I have done so a couple times but it is very rare.
Have you ever flown a kite?
No. Dad always got my Easter kite stuck in a tree and I never got a chance. Had planned to buy myself one this Easter and give it a shot but then wasn’t really that ambitious when the day rolled around. Part of me wants to go do so now and another part still ties it to an Easter thing. Someday.
Have you ever eaten green eggs and ham?
yes. Made them a couple times just for fun.
Have you ever asked for a horse?
yes, I really enjoy riding.
Missing someone right now?
yes
When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
it has been too long
What are 3 things you always bring with you to places?
phone, lip goo, book
Last time you ate sushi?
last week
What song are you currently listening to?
What was the last thing you ate?
Cobb salad. Yum!
Is there something you want that you can't have?
of course
Last movie you watched at the theater?
Monsters vs. Aliens
Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house?
yes but it is not advised. I may or may not let you in if I am not expecting company.
Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Lorena
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yep
How many different colors are you wearing right now?
4
If you could have something back right now, what would it be?
Thing? None of the things really matter anymore but I guess my stolen cell phone. No, scratch that! I want my pictures back.
How is the weather right now?
Perfect. sunny with just a few high, thin clouds. 75F with a slight breeze. I would much rather be out there hiking or riding my bike.
Does anyone call you babe?
no, at least not to my face
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Depends. The insect? That would just piss me off. They should be free to flit about as they wish. The feeling? Yeah, there is someone who can do that.
What are you doing besides this?
writing a paper, chatting with people I know, watching the lab, listening to YouTube
Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
movie, work, may get my hair trimmed and/or pedicure, grab a few groceries, pay bills. I lead an exciting life!
If your friends warn you about someone, do you listen?
Guess it depends on who they are warning me about and whether they are basing the warning on a feeling or something they know.
Have you made any new regrets this year?
I make tons of mistakes so I am full of them.
When was the last time you had a headache?
no clue. It has been years.
Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
Peanut buster parfait. Or anything involving hot fudge.
Do you know anyone who has been arrested?
yes, the list is long
Do you have any friends whose parents will no longer let them hang out with?
Rather old for that crap now. My friend’s parents actually really liked me. One was going to help pay for my college out of HS but I wouldn’t let her. But parents didn’t know me would often refuse to let their kids near me just based on my looks.
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
no
When did you last receive money?
I got paid two weeks ago but otherwise am not lucky enough to just ‘receive money.’ Would be nice though. Maybe I’ll set up a PayPal account…
Is there someone you will never forget?
yes
Do you get drunk every weekend?
nope. I don’t even have a drink every weekend much less get drunk.
Would you ever date a bad kisser?
I don’t think I would if he was actually bad. I find it is usually a pretty good indicator of how good a lover the person is.
You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, what happens?
We’d talk. Maybe watch a movie. If I were lucky, I’d get another one of those kisses…
What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Currently I sleep smack in the middle
Do you like competition?
yes I do tend to be competitive although it makes me not much fun to play games or team sports with
Has anyone ever called you a bitch?
do you even have to ask?
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
only playfully or in fun
Have you ever been told that you were going to hell?
I have been told that by many, many people. I suspect they are right.
How do you feel about your hair right now?
My bangs are far too long and the color is faded. Gonna try to color it this weekend without turning my bathroom purple. It is getting harder now that it is getting longer.
Is there someone that makes you happy every time you speak with them?
yes
When’s the last time you said you were fine but you really weren't?
Who knows? I don’t keep track of those things but just let them go. Why carry it around with me?
Do you sometimes wonder what the world would be like without you?
yes, I have done so.
Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you?
you bet!
Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
I sure do.
Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past three months?
No
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Yes. Had bonfires there. Fucked there. Camped there.
Do you think two people can last forever?
yes but then I may have just watched too damn many movies and read too many books
Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
yes
When is the next time you'll hug someone?
no clue
Who will be the first person you call tomorrow?
Not planning to call anyone. I am not a phone person and not close to many people either.
Do you have a best friend to lean on?
no
When do you go to sleep?
lately I have been going to bed around midnight or 1am. Early for me.
Have you ever taken a picture of yourself kissing someone?
no
Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
not really although we have bumped into each other on occasion since our families are still friends and we would get invited to the same weddings and funerals
What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
rock
What is the best thing about your job?
the flexibility and now they pay for my classes
Where are you going on your next vacation?
Japan unless I manage to squeeze something in before then
What is your favorite smell?
jasmine, sex, crayons, thunderstorms, cherries, chocolate, steak…mmm…I am getting hungry!
What is your favorite sight?
the eyes of someone I love
Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
hmmm…anything is possible
Have you ever played Spin the bottle?
not exactly. We didn’t have a bottle so we used a knife. Yes, I was twisted way back then too. Does that surprise you?
Have you ever gone camping?
Yes. Used to do it often and even in the dead of winter.
Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Yep. Burned the hell out of the girls too.
Have you ever had a stalker?
Currently dealing with number 4.
Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?
yes although I don’t usually last long
Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Yes, heavy squats can be a bitch.
Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
Yes. I should have just chopped it all off.
Kissed more than one person at a time?
yep
Is there anyone that you feel completes you?
Don’t know that I would say he completes me but we were great together in that we each had strengths that balanced out the other’s weaknesses.
What's your favorite soup?
French onion
Are you insecure about anything?
of course
Do you have any friends you need to catch up with?
yes, quite a few. I have been hiding lately.
Are you happy with your appearance?
most of the time
Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
planning to do so tomorrow
How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
Guess it depends on how important the issue is and who the person is. I can be far too blunt. Other times I say things that were meant to just be silly but instead come out as an insult. Or I can hold it in because I simply don’t like or trust you enough to share.
What was the last thing you wrote down?
was practicing my kanji
Do you know any potheads?
quite a few
Are you a pothead?
no
What can you hear right now?
just this
Do you have your tonsils and wisdom teeth?
yes to all
Anyone jealous of you or anything you have?
Probably. My life is better than many.
Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to date?
Yes but then I am very fussy about who I go out with
How many funerals have you been to in your life time?
I lost count years ago. Hell I once had a three month period where nine people died. All individually, not in some mass accident.
Have you ever done something you promised yourself you wouldn't?
*sigh* yes
Is someone mad at you right now?
Probably. I do believe I am pretty nicely situated on my family’s shit list.
Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
not really.
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
the father of the groom
Do you think making out is slutty?
WTF? Did a 12-year-old write this?
Three hours ago, were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
Sadly, no
What's something that bothers you about girls?
they will fuck over their friends and other women to get the attention of some guy they don’t even know
Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point and isn't around now?
of course, I am not a child.
Could you ever be friends with someone who hurt you before?
I suppose. It would depend on how he/she hurt me and whether or not it was intentional. I find it is hard to be hurt by someone I don’t care for because that person’s opinions and actions mean nothing to me.
Who was last in the shower with you?
God, I suppose the husband back when he was still my husband. No "fun" shower in years. Stupid thing is that it was my own fault for missing the offer when it was last made. Dummy!
What is more important in a relationship, happiness or trust?
Trust.....trust is the key to ANY relationship. Without it there isn’t really much of a relationship. Happiness comes and goes as life gets in the way.
Did you learn anything from the last big mistake you made?
I’d like to think so but only time will tell.
Why did you last cry, in front of who?
the why is confidential and there was no who
Has anyone made you feel like crap lately for something you did?
guess it depends on what you mean by lately but no
How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else?
I was happy to see them. Hope it means he has moved on and I won’t ever hear from him again.
Do you own a studded belt from Hot Topic?
Well, I have several studded belts but they are from Harley Davidson. Cooler and more expensive!
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
200+
Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
Yes, some people even had to push their way past us and it is probably on the school's security cam too.
What is the last movie you watched?
Salo
Do you have any scars on your legs?
lots of them
Has anyone told you they don't wanna ever lose you?
yeah
Do you consider yourself creative?
hell, if anything I have a difficult time thinking IN the box
Has someone asked you on a date in the past week?
yes
Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
of course
Honestly, do you really love the last person you said "I love you" to?
yes I do
Are there any saved birthday cards in your bedroom?
yes, I can be far too sentimental
What kind of shirt are you wearing?
black tee with an obnoxious saying on it. Probably not work appropriate but I wore it any way.
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
many, many times. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes just because I wasn’t thinking things through fully.
How often do you drink water?
constantly. I am practically floating.
Do you read your horoscope?
when it is handy but I don’t go out of my way to get it
What does the 4th text in your inbox say?
“Our lives are messes ;)”
What was the last thing you highlighted?
this survey to cut & paste it
What color are your bedroom curtains?
black velvet
What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
black, ’92 Exploder
Closest framed picture to you?
one of the dog I had before Ruko, Klaus
Last time you had someone cook for you?
Easter some friends cooked dinner for us all. Just for me? It has been months.
Have you ever applied for welfare?
no
Last time you used hand sanitizer?
I don’t think I ever have. It strikes me as one of those things that is just a little too paranoid. I don’t mind a little dirt.
What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Davanni’s although I really could go for Galactic Pizza now that you brought it up. Thanks a lot… >:-(
Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
a couple years. Loved ‘em but they closed down by me. Thanks again. :(
Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call?
Guy
Do you write notes on your body?
sometimes although I like writing notes on other bodies much better
Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
yes, was just listening to him on my way into work this morning
Do you have nice eyes?
well, they work and I can see with them and they are decent enough to get me compliments on occasion so I’ll have to say ‘yes’
Are you close with your mother?
nope! Can’t stand her.
Did you speak to your father today?
nope, he is dead
When was the last time you had your hair cut?
last July although I have trimmed my bangs in the sink a couple of times. Debating whether I am going to do that again or actually get it all reshaped.
What are you freakishly obsessed with?
it is not a what, it is a who? I am about ready to join the “Men are stupid and women are crazy” cult. Sad but true.
Have an Ipod? what color?
yep, still have my little, hot pink shuffle (thanks again Amanda!)
Do you know how to dance?
Depends on the style. I have been known to do so when the mood is right.
What was your favorite childhood cartoon?
Marvin the Martian or Scooby Doo
What is your favorite thing that is green?
cash!
Have you ever been in a fight?
I may have had to kick an ass or two in my time.
Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
not that I know of
Where do you go when you need to just get away?
I just drive aimlessly.
If you were an evil dictator, where would you rule?
everywhere!
What do you need to get right now at the drug store?
bandaids. I’m all out of Powerpuff Girls. They better have something good!
Have you ever broken a pinata?
yes, I am going to try again in just over a week
Worst bathroom you have ever been in?
you know I love my Hard Times Café but their bathrooms are disgusting!
