Rising Up From The Ashes

WHAT THE HELL?

why would you say to someone, "You look really busy. Like you are working hard, busy and really trying to concentrate," then proceed to sit your ass down and start yacking about a bunch of shit that is totally unrelated to anything that the two of you have ever spoken about in the past???

you stupid self-centered piece of crap!
Does it look like I have nothing else going on in my life?
I have nothing better to do that listen to you ramble on about working and the crap you bought today and someone that you met at the gas station and would like to date?
I DON'T CARE!!!
Really!
I am just sitting here, typing away while this fucker rambles on about how busy he is.
He barely stops to take a breath even though I am obviously NOT listening at all…
I told him I am busy.
That I don't have time to chat right now.
I make no eye contact.
Don't respond in anyway to his yammering.
Just keep typing and pretending like I am actually working.
And yet he won't stop.
Won't go away.
arrgghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now he is even going on about how impressive it is that I can work and listen to him at the same time.
Why is it he thinks I give a shit at all?

God!!!!!!

I don't even know what he is talking about any more because I will be damned if I encourage this invasion but still he talks.
I am being attention raped.
He can't take a hint.
Won't listen when I tell him straight out that I don't want to talk.
Guess I will just have to give up and walk away.
Fuck it!
I finally just looked him straight in the eye and told him to go away.
That he was interrupting me and that I was not interested in chatting today.
He said, "Oh, okay." Then got up and left.

For about two minutes.

Then he came back with a bag of shit from his car.
Proceeded to sit back down with me and pull miscellaneous crap out.
Right now he is telling me about a pen he found.
A fucking stupid, non-descript, twenty-five cent ink pen.
He is quite concerned that someone, some where is missing this damned pen.

Hmmm…wonder if I can interest him in a magic trick.
Want to see me make this pen disappear?

About a year ago, friends of the guy I was going out with got busy talking over drinks about how scary I am and how they wouldn't want to run into me in a dark alley, at least without an ax. Pansies!

Let me tell you though, I am about ready to go looking for an ax of my own. I want to take it to the S.O.B. who came up with the Axe body spray ad campaign. Seriously. Who's bright idea was it to encourage some funky ass smelling guy that all he needs to do is douse himself in some rank body spray and chicks are going to lust after him? Dude, take a fucking shower! Really. It is just water. It won't kill you. Unless, of course, I am forced to submerge your head into it for making me suffer through not only your nasty B.O. but also the putrid crap you are trying to use to disguise it rather than just taking care of some basic hygiene tasks. Hell, when I can see the gas cloud around you as you approach I already know that this is not going to go well. God forbid I get caught downwind from you before I can make my escape.

stupid, smelly fuckers

Since Dave died, I had forgotten how much I enjoy late night drinks and philosophical discussion with a friend. The trick is to get just drunk enough that you will blather on about anything. Much more than that and it seems that people just like to argue about crap – which can also be fun if your companion know what the hell they are talking about. Rare but it does happen.

My friend is a big proponent of the do-whatever-makes-you-happy school of thought. So what if you made plans with someone for tonight? if a better opportunity comes up, go for it! To hell with the other person as long as you are doing what makes you happy. You can always get together some other time. One night stands? no problem! So what if they have a significant other? the person can't be all that great or this person wouldn't be on without them and willing to fuck you. Besides, you are only looking for a few hours of fun, not trying to 'steal' them away.

I will be the first to admit that this person is generally much happier than me. I wish I could do it. Become one of those people who think only of themselves first and foremost. I honor my commitments and keep my word. Struggle with concepts of honor and morality. Worry about relationships and the people I care about. Happiness only comes in around number ten on the list of importance.

I suppose that my priorities are at least part of what makes me a rather crappy Domme. The ones I know who are good, the ones who are adored by their subsmissives are all the ones who do put their own happiness first. Fuck everyone else. Fuck responsibility. Fuck the world. Me first. Which is not to say that they are not concerned about their subs, it is just much lower on their list of priorities, not equal to their own.

*sigh*

I suck. I can't even do bad-ass evil bitch well.