Sunday, April 27, 2008

I warned you...

it was coming and really, anyone who knows me at all by now could have expected it anyway. Horrendously long survey completed when I was 'studying'. When it comes right down to it, it is amazing that I do as well in school as I do since I spend far more time doing everything else rather than the homework I should be doing.



What was the first thing you thought this morning?
arrrggg.... it is too early!

What are your plans for the weekend?
work, several parties to attend, maybe sushi, brunch with friends...all good stuff but very little relaxing.

What are you doing today?
working, coffee shop, party later

How's your heart lately?
bruised and battered, the usual

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now
At the moment, no clue. I would like to be and have made my choice but until I get to start locking people in cages permanently it is not that easy.

Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer?
No.

How did you meet the 3rd person on your MySpace top?
She works for me

What is making you happy at the moment?
I'm looking forward to tonight.

Do you trust easily?
NO

When was the last time you were given roses?
November

Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
a dirty martini, a tender steak, a dirty and tender roll in the sack with a hot guy

Do you drink tea?
occasionally

Does someone like you?
I have no idea.

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
I have. Used to rock the Billy Idol hair but really I did it mostly so I could put a colored rinse in each day. My nails and hair matched my clothes. That is way too much work nowdays.

Do you still get a Easter Basket?
Nope. Mom did it until I moved out, then my first boyfriend did. But since then, none.

What's the closest pink thing to you?
bottle of nail polish

Do you know anybody named Eric?
I sure do. I know several.

Red or green apples?
green

Do you like Juicy Fruit gum?
yep, although the flavor doesn't last long enough

Is anyone on your bad side right now?
there are a couple

Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
there isn't a spot on my body that I don't enjoy getting a kiss :)

What would you do if you received a long love letter?
I'd love it and read it over and over til I had the damned thing memorized. I can be a complete sap.

Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends?
I think it is kind of stupid but can understand that societal pressures dictate what they are supposed to act like. I prefer a guy who can be comfortable enough with himself to order the girly drinks and do whatever he wants.

Are diamonds a girl's best friend?
They sure are. Last much longer than any relationship does and unlike people they don't lose their sparkle and shine.

Do you get your nails done?
I enjoy manicures but cannot afford them these days so I do them myself.

Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?
some days. Just depends what I am doing and who I am doing it with. I have laced myself into all sorts of contraptions for people who appreciate it but if they don't care then I get to relax and just wear my usual.

Have any cool scars?
I have loads of scars. Not sure that any are all that cool though. Guess it depends on what you are looking for.

Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
All the time. Things don't work out like that for me. One of the reasons I tend to stick to comedies and shoot-'em-ups.

Do you often wish there was something you could change?
the number of zeroes in my bank account balance

Do you like to receive flowers?
I prefer plants although if they have flowers that makes them even nicer. I like to watch things grow and flourish, not die.

In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy?
yeah

Would you date a guy shorter than you?
I have been for the past year. I have many qualities that I require in a man but height is not important at all.

Do you like to hold hands?
yes

What is the youngest you would date?
as long as he was legal I would give it a shot

What do you notice when you first meet a guy?
his confidence and the way he carries himself

Is it hot when guys sweat?
Depends. A guy who is sweating because he is working hard is sexy as hell. One who is just sitting around sweating because it is hot out is not.

What is the best feature in a guy?
I like eyes and asses. And arms. And backs. Oh yeah, legs, they can't have scrawny bird legs...

Do you like making eye contact?
most definitely

Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
I don't have a favorite show any more. Well, that is not entirely true. I have enjoyed Moment of Truth immensely but I only watch that at my pet's place and it has never been as regular as I would like.

Do you yell a lot?
It is very rare that I yell. It is very rare that I need to.

Do you wear sweatpants/pajamas to work?
I have but it is unusual. I am a jeans gal.

Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?
Not a lot but some.

What makeup could you not live without?
lip gloss. I tend to get chapped lips often.

Do you fall in love easily?
No, I don't like most people

Do you have cramps?
No. My PMS consists of becoming insatiably horny.

Do you think you have the best friend ever?
Haven't had a best friend since Dave died.

What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
no soap but lots and lots of body washes. Irish Spring, Dove, jasmine, gardenia, peppermint, citrus, charcoal, firming, moisturizing, relaxing, invigorating...

Is there anything moldy in your refrigerator?
I don't think so. I am pretty good about cleaning it out on trash day.

Are there any dirty dishes in your sink?
Just a spoon. I did them last night.

What would you change about your living room?
Make it wider. It is too long and narrow so it limits the ways that I can arrange things.

Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry?
yes, several. I prefer fresh but since I live alone this tends to work better.

White or wheat bread?
Wheat. The grainier the better.

What is on top of your refrigerator?
jugs of protein powder

How many plants are in your home?
if I remembered them all correctly, 15. I love plants and the energy they bring.

How many candles are in your home?
this is harder since most are in cupboards. I have lots but rarely use them since the cats would burn the place down.

Is your bed made right now?
as much as it ever gets made. I yanked the covers up when I crawled out of bed.

If you have a coffee pot, what color is it?
it is white

Is your closet organized?
I have several closets but only one of them is organized. Give me time. I'll get to the rest.

What color is the flashlight that you use the most?
metallic red

What kinds of things are in your junk drawer?
birthday candles, rubber bands, pens, twist ties, keys, matches, miscellaneous nails and screws

Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
I usually leave one or two on downstairs when I head up to bed.

How many ceiling fans are in your home?
4

How often do you vacuum?
once a week usually

Standard toothbrush or electric?
I have the fancy new Sonicare with the UV light.

What color is your toothbrush?
white

Chore you hate doing the most?
Dusting. It tends to makes me sick.

What retro items are in your home?
I am old enough that I have things from my childhood that are now considered retro. Nothing is there just because it is retro and therefore deemed cool.

Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
yes

If you have a yard, who mows it?
me

Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now?
muddy paw prints

Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
maybe a bit

Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
I have a number of weapons in my home including guns but none are there for that purpose. I am not a fearful person.

Fave candle scent?
jasmine, gardenia, pumpkin, cinnamon, vanilla (I don't like the taste of vanilla but I love the smell)

What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
Vlassic dill slices and Claussen babies

What color is your favorite bible?
I have a black one

Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen?
no, I would like a lot more.

Ever been on your roof?
parts of it. Some parts are far too steep.

Do you own a stereo?
Yes

How many tvs do you have?
3

How many house phones?
0

Do you have a housekeeper?
hahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish!

What style do you decorate in?
eclectic all the way

Do you think you were well raised?
I was raised well enough to be a competent, capable adult who does not mooch off of society or others. Was I raised in a loving home where I was cared about and supported? No.

Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE?
yes

What do you think the most important part of a relationship is?
trust, honesty and communication

Are you the type that would rather stay at other peoples houses or have them at yours?
For the most part, I am the type who would like everyone to go back to their own place at the end of the day. I like to hang out with people but I value my time alone. There have been very few exceptions to this.

Have you ever wanted to watch a scary movie with someone?
sure, I enjoy watching all types of movies with someone else.

When's the last time you took a shower?
a couple hours ago

Can you drive a stick shift?
yes, I prefer manual transmissions

What is your favorite article of clothing?
jeans and a tee

Alright, so have you ever actually sat down and thought about why you like/love the person you like/love?
Yes, I have. Even wrote letters about it.

What was the best thing that happened to you last year?
I met some wonderful people.

You're sad, who can cheer you up easily?
I don't have people like that. My friends are the superficial, lets get together and do _____ sort. Not the kind that I talk to about feelings.

What do you miss?
my mind

Why did you cry last time?
I cried because of things I will never get to experience in this lifetime.

What makes you fall asleep?
exhaustion

What is the last really nice thing someone did for you?
my pet helping me fix my truck (although getting tucked into bed was awfully nice too!)

What event most shaped your character?
When I was shot as a child. It turned out to just be a superficial injury but it completely changed the way I though about people and relationships.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
my pet

Who do you blame for your mood today?
I have only myself to blame.

Have you ever seen a dead body?
I have seen many, many dead bodies. I have seen friends who have blown their heads off. Bloated decomposing ones. Mangled car accidents. I have held bodies as the last bit of life slips away. Beaten children. Illness and falls. I am very familiar with death.

Last person you went out to dinner with?
Matt

The last compliment you received?
a generic, "I think you are so hot"

When was the last time you threw up?
it has been years.

What is your favorite finger?
Ha! I can only seem to think of one response for this question and it has far more to do with the location of said finger with regards to my body than anything else. Man! I need to get laid!

What theme does your room have?
no theme although I have wanted to decorate my house so that each room has a separate theme but don't think it would work well with my current home

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Lorena

Last person you went to the movies with?
I usually go alone.

Is anything alive in your room?
depends on the room but several have a plant and some variation on the 4-legged furry kid

Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
go forward a week, last week finals were due.

What kind of cereal is in your cabinet?
Grape nuts and frosted mini wheats

What kind of milk do you drink?
organic skim

What is the next project you need to do at your house?
rearrange books, patch holes in the plaster, paint. Yard work too. I have two years to finish catching up on.

What is the last thing you ran out of at your house?
Puffs Plus

What is the last think you cooked on your stove?
angel hair pasta and sauce

What drinks could you offer to a visitor at your house right now?
water, milk, iced green tea with honey, a variety of hot teas, several kinds of coffee or espresso, grape juice, orange juice, wine, beer, hard liquor. I am pretty well stocked on the beverages.

What kind of ice cream is in your freezer?
I have raspberry or dark chocolate gelato. Hagen Daz dark chocolate and pomegranate ice cream bars.

What kind of chips are in your cabinet?
ranch Doritos, pretzels, cheese balls, chili cheese Pringles

What is in the bottom drawer of your fridge?
there is no bottom drawer of my fridge. The bottom level is a variety of kinds of beer and some water.

What do you like best about your house?
It's comfy, has a wide variety of things I can do and has a good, natural energy.

What is the last thing you spent money on?
mortgage and power company

Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?
The flamin' hot ones.

The first person on your friends list just called you an a$$hole. What do you have to say to them?
He would either be joking or right. I can be an ass at times.

Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?
Well that would be some miracle but if I did have a son I would name him Claude Franklin. Little Frankie. :)

Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?
No clue.

When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it?
I put them in the penny cup

What is the last voice mail you received about?
my motorcycle, horse tack and coffee

What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
car bomb

Who came over last?
my pet.

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
in my family the insult was to tell someone they were NOT adopted

Where do you hurt?
just the heart

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
no

What's something fun you did today?
nothing, it is still early and all I have done so far is wander into work.

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
parking permit

Last place you ordered food from?
Carbone's

Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
my pet

is it sunny or raining?
This is MN. It is fucking snowing!

Do you usually watch kiddy movies?
yeah. I'm just a big kid at heart!

What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Naked protein juice smoothie

What's your favorite smell?
sex, fresh cut grass, dirt, jasmine, gardenias, crayons, cinnamon, pizza, spearmint, green apples, peaches, the musty decay found deep in a forest

if you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
changing, always changing

when was the last time you received a hug?
Wednesday night I got lots of them

how often are you laughing?
I laugh a lot. I love to be silly.

do you like working in the yard?
yes. I like to dig in the dirt, mess with the plants, and enjoy the fresh air.

Are you good at math?
good enough that I have a BS in applied mathematics

Do you have any famous ancestors?
nope. I come from a long line of nobodies.

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
yes, I love to kiss in a warm summer rain. Never mind that I also love to kiss when it is snowing, during a thunderstorm, when it is sunny...

What is your favorite flavor of Jelly?
grape

When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
couple weeks ago

What kind of jacket do you have?
ha! I live in MN and used to make good money. I have lots and lots of jackets. Hell, I have 10 leather jackets, 8 or 9 wool ones, 4 denim, and a wide variety of various others.

What's your favorite thing to do?
Wild, passionate sex. :) Otherwise, a movie or good book is nice too but sex always wins out.

Do you have anything bad on your phone?
define bad. If it was anything I didn't like, I would certainly delete it.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I have stayed awake for more than 72 hours on a few occasions. I wouldn't recommend it but I will say that it is much cheaper than drugs.

Do you like the ocean?
I'm a water sign. Yes. I like all forms of water although I tend to gravitate toward flowing rivers and creeks the most.

Would you stay friends with your ex's?
We are pretending to be friends but really we don't talk and I want nothing to do with him any more.

Where do you keep your change?
I have a couple jars I toss it into. I'm saving up for something.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
I like being able to stretch out and hog the entire bed but I would like to have someone I could snuggle with.

Have you ever made out with someone you weren't dating?
yeah

Has anybody on your top friends ever admitted to liking you?
yes, a few of them.

Who is your celebrity crush?
LL Cool J

Any upcoming vacations?
no, too broke plus I have the dog to take care of now too and it is expensive to board him.

Would you call yourself smart?
Usually although I have done plenty of stupid things over the years too.

Do you like peanut butter?
yep! Crunchy and creamy

What does your hair look like?
overgrown, hanging in my eyes, deep reddish brown. I am once again considering growing it out.

Fingernails painted?
I have been painting them while I do this. They are bright blue now.

Last thing someone said to you?
"Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to help me with that."

Have you ever had mono?
no, that is also known as the kissing disease and I am way under-kissed

Do you enjoy taking walks?
Yes. I love to explore but I need to have the right shoes on otherwise I just get bloody blisters and whine a lot.

The biggest lie you've ever heard?
That continues to be the people who claim to love me but then disappear the moment things get difficult or I don't give them exactly what they want.

Favorite restaurant for breakfast foods?
Hard Times makes fantastic omelets

Did you do anything for Leap Day?
no, I missed it completely although I did get a letter from an old flame who had apparently been thinking of me on that day.

Do you love anyone?
sure

Have you ever been in the hospital for an emergency?
Yes. Mine and others.

What's on your mind right now?
what to wear to the parties tonight

When was your last kiss?
Tuesday night

have you ever crashed a car?
Not only have I crashed a car, I have landed one in the branches of a tree. Damned good thing too or I would have finished falling down the cliff and into the Mississippi.

What is one of your sexual fantasies?
ha! I am a lusty sort who masturbates often. At one point or another I have fantasized about pretty much everything.

Is someone in love with you?
No

When was the last time you saw snow?
it is snowing right now

When was the last time you talked on the phone?
last night.

What song makes you cry?
True Colors, lots of sappy loves songs

Last thing you ate?
Bacon club chalupa

What were you doing last night at 1am?
playing with sex toys

Would you rather be called Darlin or Sunshine?
Ummm...I'm not really much of either although I did once have someone sing "You are My Sunshine" to me. That was actually pretty awesome.

Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
yeah

Do you like your handwriting?
yes, although it can be a bitch to decipher if I have been scribbling notes in class for a while. Eventually it all starts to blend together

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
of course

If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
the ex

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
House of Pain

Do you get attached to people easily?
Easily? No. But once I am, it can be hard for me to let go. I do it, but it hurts like hell.

Do you go to church?
No. I am the person being talked about when you hear the saying, "Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I will take over."

Do you like roller coasters?
yes

Do you hide your emotions?
Usually although I haven't been very good at it lately. :(

Who was the last person you were in a moving vehicle with?
my pet. He drove me around and around and around and around...in circles. Hehehe...

Would you take care of your friends while they're sick?
there are a couple people I would be happy to take care of when they are sick.

Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
yes

Last time you were drunk?
it's been months

What's for dinner?
I'd like sushi but can't really afford it. If I am good I will just skip dinner.

How many e-mail addresses do you have?
9

Last time you washed your hair?
this morning

Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
no one *sigh*

Do you like Oreos?
Yum! Especially the mint quadruple stuff ones.

Do you send out Thank-You cards?
yes

Can you keep a secret?
yes

Are you happy with your living arrangement?
yes, I would like a companion but I rather enjoy living alone as well.

Do you have trust issues?
oh my, yes!

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
most definitely

When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
earlier this week

Have you ever seen somebody get shot?
yes

Who do you tell everything to?
I haven't had anyone like that in years.

Have you ever been called a 'slut'?
yes

Have you ever injected a drug?
yes

When was the last time you saw your Father?
as he drew his final breath and died

Has anyone ever saved your life?
no

Do you get good grades?
yes. I have a 3.73 GPA with over 300 credits. Not perfect but not too shabby.

Do you know a secret about anybody?
yes, I know many secrets. I know some that they don't even know I know.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Procrastination

Okay, so I am really, really broke financially and I should be studying for my next final exam and yet I am seriously considering trying to track down one of these on the web. They were promotional items at NYC Comic Con but surely there are some listed on Ebay by now.



"The Real Power of the DC Universe"


As is to be expected, some people are all upset and have their undies in a bunch about it but I think it is fantastic. I'm not normally the sort to decorate with posters but this would definately go up on the wall in my home office. Beautiful!

Expect a horribly long survey later. More of those get done during exam time than any other time of the year.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Relationships

Got into a rather lengthy discussion with one of my buddies at work yesterday. He has been struggling with the concepts of D/s and could not figure out why some guy would want to let me boss him around or tell him what to do and how to do it. (I love a friend who will be honest about their opinion of me!)

Ha! I am not really the sort who bosses other people around. For the most part, I simply let people know what I want and like – it is up to them to decide if their wish to contribute and make my life easier or not. I am not going to 'make' people do things. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I see so many women who run around calling themselves Dommes who really seem to just be incompetent little twits who need someone to take care of them because they don't have the intelligence or skills to take care of themselves. Numerous men fall for it because they are young and pretty (as Her Evilness says on her page, "Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.") I'm not like that. I am a competent, capable, giving person who knows a lot and is always learning more. Sure, I enjoy and appreciate having a companion but I don't need it.

I make corrections rarely and only if I think it is necessary. Not because I want to be bossy, I am a pretty laid back person who would much rather be silly and goof off than demand someone do something. I do it if, and only if, I care enough about you to want you to remain around. Most people are simply dismissed and excluded from my life as not being worth the effort. I don't ask for much. If someone can't be bothered to give that little bit to me then they apparently don't care much about me. I pointed out to my friend a number of struggles with the ex and how I finally quit struggling and gave up – and how the ex is now the ex. Yeah, I like having someone I can talk to about my day, to whisper with at get-togethers and to snuggle with at night but I am perfectly comfortable by myself as well and I'll be damned if I would put up with the game playing and lies.

I tried pointing out ways in which he and his wife were often challenging one another for control in their relationship (his hair color, where to go on vacation, tickets to the game vs. new purse) and explained that rather than play games and constantly struggle to try to get ahead in the relationship that I would rather be more open and upfront about it. Skip the partners' withholding of sex and affection. The blowing of the budget because someone snuck out and bought a $200 pair of sunglasses or whatever.

I am not sure if he ever got it. I do suspect his wife is going to like me even less now as they will probably have more arguments in the next couple days as he thinks about what I said further.

I hate playing games in a relationship. Do not want to think of it as a battle where we are on opposite sides – I get enough of that from the rest of the world. I want a partner and an equal. I'd much rather just let someone know what I want and he can decide whether or not he thinks it is worth it. So far, general consensus has it that I am not. That's alright. Still beats deceit and actually sleeping with the enemy. This way I can stretch my legs and sleep in the middle of the bed.

There is really only one thing I ask from my partner, his heart. The whole thing. Not bits and pieces. Not the parts that are safe. I want it all. I want you to trust me with every last bit. It seems only fair since I am willing to give all of mine. Now I will admit, that it may not be a fair trade for mine has been crushed, beaten and battered many times. It is held together with tape, glue, wire and crusted over scabs. But I am willing to toss in a soul and the ability to move mountains when need be so it all evens out in the end I think.

I work hard

I play hard

And yes, when I crash, I crash hard.

Then I slowly drag myself out of the depression and start all over again.


I guess what I don't understand are the people who insist on coaxing me into relationships I never wanted just so they can break my heart.


I know what I want

I know what I need

I know it's not easy

But I do believe that in the long run it's worth it.

Who knows? Maybe I'm just fooling myself. Making excuses for my own self-centeredness so I don't have to change. I am willing to change and know there are plenty improvements I can make but it does seem like I should be able to find someone who can accept me for me. (Perhaps I just watched far too many romantic comedies when I was young!) Trying to be anything else just seems phony. Why start a relationship behind a facade I cannot maintain?

So, I come home to my dog, who is happy to see me at the end of the day.

And I sleep with the cats I can reach out and touch in the middle of the night when my dreams wake me.

And I remind myself that it is enough.

That I am strong and this is better than living a lie.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Today’s Lesson

Doing quite a bit better this afternoon. Thanks to those of you who did your best to help cheer me up. It is appreciated!
Kiss graphics

The adorable, witty and charming Yva recently saw "30 Days of Night" and blogged about the likelihood of a showdown between vampire and polar bears. An interesting discussion and possibly worthy of intellectual debate but to participate you will have to wander over to her page. I intend to be much more superficial.

In her blog, she posted a photo of this character.



Now, I have not had a chance to see the movie yet but I have to say that this photo is not inspiring me to put much effort into it either.

What ever happened to sexy vampires???





No one is ever going to want to mess around with that first ugly fucker. Vampires would have been killed off long ago!
Now, Spike and Blade? Bad asses who know a thing about sensuality and seduction?
THAT is what vampires are all about! :D

It is not just the actor either. James Marsters as someone who is not a vampire:



Not hot.

(And seriously, what is with the weird patches of hair on his torso? Is he supposed to be a werewolf here???)

As Spike:



Hot.

Ditto Wesley Snipes.



No. (okay, I’ll admit, that was a lot harder. I dig Wesley.)



Yes.

If Hollywood is having a hard time figuring this out, or keeping things straight, they should give me a call. I would be happy to head out there and help out!

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