Rising Up From The Ashes

So, back on Valentine ’s Day I was pleasantly surprised with not one or two, but five boxes of Godiva truffles. I love them! I have been slowly rationing them out to myself so that they last a nice long time and I don’t make too big of a pig out of myself. Usually one an evening. Enjoyed slowly while thinking happy thoughts about my pet who gave them to me. :)

No longer!

Last night I ate three (yeah, I know!) and then popped the last remaining box into the freezer.

One of the students who work for me brought the last bit of her V-day chocolate into work yesterday. Several Ferrero Rochere truffles. Also quite tasty!

At least normally.

She is a nice gal and I don’t work her very hard so she gave me one of her treats. While I unwrapped the piece, I noticed a tiny hole in the foil but didn’t really think any thing of it. Then, just as I was getting ready to pop it into my mouth, I saw a tiny little dermastid larva crawl from the surface into the ball. Yes, I remember them from my GSR study. I’m not really creeped out by bugs but I don’t particularly want to eat them either. As I stare intentily at the candy piece, a big fat larva squeezed out making me giggle (and really glad I did not eat the candy!) My student worker asked me what I was doing and I told her. Bad move. She has already eaten several pieces. Possibly filled with bugs. Now she rushs off to the ladies room to rid herself of the imaginary bugs she now feels crawling around inside of her. I grab a plate and a knife and carefully cut the ball open – I don’t want to hurt them; I’m just nosy. Sure enough, a nice little colony set up in there.

So, when I got home, I carefully inspected each piece before eating it and then tossed the remaining pieces into the airtight freezer.

I don’t mind bugs.
I certainly don’t kill bugs.
But I will be damned if I am sharing my Godiva with them!

I received a rather intriguing friend request this morning. From a woman I met in real life last week. The interaction did not go particularly well – and at one point I do believe I called her an idiot. Does have me mighty curious as to why she sought me out on here...

We met at one of the local BDSM events and the conversation turned to the topic of trust between partners in D/s relationships. She went off of some long spiel about how only males need to demonstrate their trustworthiness. In her mind, men should just automatically feel comfortable with and believe the women they meet (never even had the chance to ask her about same sex relationships!). Her argument hinged primarily on:

1) Men are larger than women so they can overpower us any time they like. Hello! Apparently she is blind and cannot see my hulking figure before her. Nor is she familiar with the concept of restraints and the fact that the man’s size is not going to be of much assistance once he is bound securely. She claims to have years of experience so these should not new concepts for her.

2) Men are able to do things to women that women are just, biologically, unable to do to men. She is apparently also unfamiliar with strap-ons, dildos, and vibrators. Poor thing! My pointing out to her that I have far more options (size, shape, and simple quantity) available to me than the average male does was an idea she was entirely unwilling (unable?) to grasp.

It was around this point that I finally dismissed her with an eyeroll as being a complete dumbass and unworthy of any more of my time. Now I have to decide if she has perhaps realized her folly or if she is just here to start some more arguments.

Female Supremacy my ass! It is not a person’s genitalia that makes them worthwhile.

Seriously? What the hell is going on with my community? I am starting to feel like I am being tested.
Perhaps I should start looking around for hidden cameras. "Smile! You are on Kinky Kandid Kamera!"

A long time ago, well okay maybe just 16 months or so – with my life being as chaotic as it has been lately it seems much longer – I wrote a blog about Connections. About interacting with the other people in our lives.

It earned me a couple new subscriptions, and more importantly, a few new friends. In it, I talked about honesty and my belief that without it, all relationships are superficial, phony and only destined to leave us unhappy since we are not even being true to ourselves. Now I certainly do not expect everyone who has wandered in here to have read that. And I will be the first to admit that my initial response to a person who is being honest with me has not always been welcoming and fun but I do think the relationship has ended up stronger in the long run because of it.

So, what the hell is it that has lead not one but two different people that I know in the "community" today to approach me with the intention to join them in deceit???

This morning one of my married Domme "friends" let me know that she has a man she has been fooling around with online. Apparently he now has the opportunity to travel here to the Twin Cities for business and she wants me to be her cover with her husband while she sneaks off to spend a couple days at this guy’s hotel. What the fuck? Really? She claims it will make us good friends. Why the hell would I want to be "good friends" with someone who would cheat and lie like that? At least offer me cash.

Then, already pissy about that, on top of my naturally distrustful nature, I hear from one of the male tops in the same "community." He proceeds to let me know that he appreciates how discrete I can be because he wants me to force him to crossdress. (it seems one of the men I know in ’real life’ mentioned how grateful he was that I have not outed him and his preference for dressing as a female to all of his drinking buddies) This man has even gone so far as to pick out all the items I am supposed to make him wear but we have to meet somewhere private so that his wife, who is also his submissive, does not find out. When I remind him that I only play with my pet, he tells me that he will keep my secret in return for keeping his. Again, WTF? I have no real desire to force someone to crossdress and if I did, my pet and I would deal with that within our relationship. I wouldn’t go sneaking about to do it with someone I barely know. And yes, I realize there are all sorts of power dynamic issues that come up when someone who identifies as a Dom decides he wants to experiment with some submissive roles but what the hell are you doing married to someone if you aren’t willing to confront that shit together and would rather lie to them???

Arrrrggggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have I mentioned lately how much I think people suck? Or that I wonder why we bother with relationships at all?

I say stock up on sex toys and save yourself a lot of hassle and heartbreak.

I like good food.
A lot!
So over the years, I have managed to get my name onto the VIP list at several of the top restaurants here in the Twin Cities.

My favorite table, beverage of choice and special days of the year are all on record.

As a result, I have come to expect excellent service.
Tonight was the exception.

Steve, my usual server was gone. Replaced by some new twit. One who commented that my companion might need a wheelbarrow to get home after all the food that was ordered and excused his mistakes by blaming them on the Jagermeister he drank before his shift. Fine at Applebee's but not so much at this place.

At one point, he came to our table mid-conversation to ask me what the key on my neck was for.
I stopped, looked him in the eye, and said, "The padlock around my slave's neck."
I smiled slightly then resumed my conversation.
He stood there stunned, mouth opening and closing like a fish, for some time. He finally wandered away slowly.
A short bit later he was back, unwilling, or unable, to make eye contact.
But, I will say this, our service was fantastic the rest of the night.

I wonder if he is part of the life style.

And if that information managed to make its way into my file...

It was one of those days
where I did not want to get out of bed
did not want to see any one
where the only thing that would have made the day better is the one thing I cannot have
where carrying guns and shooting large holes in people, places and things seems like a perfectly reasonable way of dealing with problems
where everyone and everything seems determined to keep me away from the one thing I really want,
the only thing in my life that can make me smile
holing up in my home,
away from it all

but, of course, it is Saturday
the only day where I absolutely cannot
the day I HAVE to get up and deal with people
meet my obligations
make a contribution
and all that rot

I tried to be nice
put on a pleasant face
faked nicities
when all I really wanted to do was tell people to shut up, fuck off and go to hell

but people had to push
had to be rude
had to take their crappy day out on me...

I have not killed anyone
yet

but the next pissy-assed, whiney SOB I have to deal with better watch it

because I am not home yet
I have a backseat full of weapons
and I am not afraid to use them



If you are one of the few people I dealt with today who managed to be neither incompetent nor a complete ass, THANK YOU.

If you simply stayed out of my way so I didn't have to deal with your stupidity, thank you.

The rest of you all can fuck off and die.


When I do finally snap, the first fucker I kill better have cigarettes on him or I am breaking off a finger and puffing on that. I have been jonesing for one all day and if I am going down, I am going down smokin'. I have far too many stressors and not many relaxors in my life right now. The amount of alcohol I would need to drink could kill an entire herd of rhinos.

Where is Officer Voodoo when I need him? I don't have nearly enough ammo...