Rising Up From The Ashes

The weather has been quite mild this winter but the rest of my universe has been as cold, dark and dead as one could ever expect. There have been so many deaths that I don't really know if I have even fully allowed it all to sink in. I had three deaths the week of Thanksgiving, one on the winter solstice, one the day after x-mas, spent New Year's weekend with another close friend who was slipping away and left on Jan. 2nd and finally, one more the next day on the 3rd.

I never really had a chance to mourn any of them since I was afraid to miss a single class period for fear that I would never catch up. I still struggle with my mystery illness but am thrilled that it has not come back in full force. It hasn't been too bad but when I feel stressed I can definitely tell a difference in my joints and muscles. Still cannot wear rings because my hands swell up so fast that I am afraid that I will lost a finger and must always carry an extra pair of shoes with so that I can swap when my feet balloon up. The pain can be distracting but I have been able to get through it without too much hassle. I have been afraid that all the deaths on top of the job and both schools would really send me back to being immobile but that has not been the case. I think the fear of that is part of what keeps me going. I am afraid that if I stop I won't be able to get going again.

Each day when I go outside I see more and more signs of spring. I hope that is the case for my personal life as well.